I just can't stop.

I was about to move on. But then, again, I saw her.

The pictures were taken before she left, or I dunno, maybe after.

I couldn't think properly.

I was stunned by the fact that I will never be able to see her, hold her.

And at the same time, she will not be able to know me, to touch me, to play with me and call me Ate.

It pains me to see her that way.

I can feel the agony, the pain, the struggle to breathe, the struggle to live.

March 24, 1993. On that day, I was born.

It's been 17 years.

17 years of having everything I wanted.

17 years of having no competition in the family.

17 years of being the only child, apo and pamangkin.

I want to have a sister... or a brother.

I really want to.

But I've already accepted the fact that it was impossible.

My parents, well, they're not capable of bearing another child.

Conclusion, I will be their only one, forever.

It will be good news to those who doesn't know the feeling of being alone.

Or to those who "know" it, but haven't experienced it yet.

A good news to the people who consider their sibling as rivals.

A barrier to get what they want from their parents.

Well, I... I don't think that way.

I am in a bad need of a sibling.

I want someone who will be there if I fail my grades and my parents won't be able to understand.

Someone who would understand why I got a grade of 3.00 in Chemistry.

Someone who will play the guitar and sing with me.

Someone who will read every silly thing that I wrote.

Someone who will tease me and will end up saying sorry.

Someone who will stay up late and watch a series marathon with me.

Someone who will hug me when I'm sad.

Someone who will just be there even if I don't say a thing.

And yes, I will never be able to have that someone.

Lately, I had the chance.

And now, it's gone.

Like a bubble that popped when you're trying to touch it.

Like the wind that passed by after feeling it.

Like a friend who left and never showed up again.

Like a shadow that can never be felt.

When no one understands... and no one dares to tell you the truth... 

It's confusing.

God, please... explain.

I'll try to comprehend, promise.