I SHALL MOVE FORWARD. ;)

So yeah. This is a year-end post. I have this habit of writing one every time the year ends (Kaya nga year-ender post eh haha). Well, actually, this is gonna be the third, so far. ;)


I was thinking of a creative way to construct this post. It's been one week and I still got nothing "creative" going on on my mind. I wanted this post to be better than my post last year. Hm, but if I'll dwell much on how I can impress, this would be senseless, and crappy perhaps. So, I'll try to just be spontaneous, if that'll help. Haha.


Hm, so yeah, 2010. Siguro, I cam sum up this year through the use of one song. And I am a Christian so there will be a lot of  "God" here. Why? 


BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME, BUT ABOUT HIM. ;)


--

I heard a voice through the discord, of a deluge of passersby

I saw one gaze frozen inside, watching me passing by

I swear I'll know your face in the crowd

I'll hear your voice so loud, when you're whispering

Hey unfaithful I will teach you to be stronger

Hey ungraceful I will teach you to forgive one another

Here's my kiss to betray, desperate to brush the lips of grace

Do you feel hallow when you think of how I lied

Oh sweet angel of mercy with you grace like the morning

Wrap your loving arms around me

Hey unfaithful I will teach you to be stronger

Hey ungraceful I will teach you to forgive one another

Hey unloving, I will love you, 

I will love you, I will love you...

Jesus, I'm ready to come home...

(Underoath, Some Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape) 

--


Discord. Lack of harmony. Harsh mixture of sounds. Chaos. Walang maintindihan. Walang marinig. Maraming bitterness. Puro conflict. I would describe my 2010 like that. I was too skeptic, filled with questions that remained unanswered due to lack of peace. My life became too chaotic for me to understand things. But in the middle of a chaotic year, I heard a voice coming from God. Not because I listened, but because His voice was so loud that it was impoossible not hear. He called me despite the brokenness. Despite the numbness. Despite the pain. Even though there were lots of times where I refused believe. Even though there were loads of times where I refused to listen... Still, he called me.


Loser. That's what I call myself. But even if I am a self-confessed one.. God still knew me. He knew everything about me. He knew my potentials better than I do. He knows when I'm happy. He knows when I'm sad. He knows when I'm pissed. He knows when I'm broken. He didn't let me drift away from him. Even if I don't voice-out my feelings to the world, I know that he knows what's inside of me. He never failed to know all of me. He never failed to accept me even if he knows everything... even my failures.


I became unfaithful. I found it hard to believe. I lost trust. But despite that, God never left me. I became ungraceful, not only to others, not only to God, but also to myself. I found it hard to forgive others. I found it hard to forgive myself. But God never got tired of reminding me that the purpose of Jesus' death was not only to save mankind, but also to teach me how to forgive not only others but also myself. 


I tried to escape God. I tried to escape spirituality, because I thought that there might be other things in stored for me if  I don't suppress myself into "goodness". Sometimes, I even question God... Why does he does things? why does he take away things? There were lots of times wherein I didn't understand. There were times where I got scared to know the answers.. There were times where I tried not to mind his voice.


But still, despite of the self-inflicted numbness, he called me. And yes, even though I am unloving, he taught me how to love by simply loving me despite my unloving-ness. And that's enough for me to be ready to come back home, back into God's safe embrace. ;)


I can't really fathom the way he loves. It's just indescribable. And yeah, it's beyond description. ;)


So yeah, goodbye 2010, hello 2011... another year of the Lord. :D

Credits! ;)

P.S. (A very long P.S)

I thank my family for always being there. For feeding me delicious food everyday. For letting me go to school and for accepting my every stupidity, naughty-ness, hard-headed-ness, flaw. I love you all!

I thank Myleen Joyce Favoreal for my hair and make-up for being the best-est friend on earth. I commend her for her patience and guts to tell me off whenever I lose my way. Yes naman. Love you! >:D<

I thank Michelle Franza and Sarah Jane Fernandez for my gown for tonight for being my best buddies in church. I love our foodtrips and our anything-under-the-sun trips. Group hug cause I love you both! >>:D<<

I thank Ate Mygee del Rey for being the best celgroup leader that has ever crossed my life. You, indeed, are amazing and gorgeous! Yi-yeah. Love you Ate! :D

I thank my cellgroup mates and the substance family for making my sundays and fridays filled with fun. :) and games and other party collectibles!

I thank Seanice Audrey Ong, Charmaine Joy Tuvera, Sherina Azur and Dennie-lyn Ramos for being the best barkada on earth! Though we rarely see each other. Mahal ko kaya mga tol. Hahaha! 

I thank my block, 2PSY02, simply because you make our 30 unit sem so fun that I could barely notice that it is a 30 unit sem. Hahaha. Seeyou on the 5th! ;)

And I thank all my friends and newfound friends out there...you know who you are. ;) Thank you for making my 2010 more exciting and more fun. I hope we'll spend a lot more years together. ;)

I did the "thanking" portion kasi feeling ko artista ako. HAHA.


That's probably it. So, Ktnxbye! ;;) \m/