THIS WILL REMAIN. 2/4

HOPE

I don't like the concept of hoping. It's painful, I told my bestfriend. She disagreed, of course. Haha. But it doesn't mean that when I don't like it, I don't believe in it. I believe in hope.. and I believe that it's a painful process. Because in hope... there's no certainty... at all. You just hope for the best and wait for God's response. And uh... waiting is a painful process... duh. But we need hope. It somehow lifts us up and pushes all the negativity away. We must hope, for when we don't hope, we'll live a very dissatisfying life. Living without hoping is like drinking Coke without ice. It's the same thing but it lacks something.. if you know what I mean.

THIS WILL REMAIN. 1/4

FAITH

Sometimes I have so little. Sometimes I have so much. This year, my faith had fluctuated so much.. but at least it didn't die. That's still good news, right? You know, I gotta keep it because there are gonna be times where in it's gonna be all you have. Faith. It's believing in the things you don't see.. smell.. taste.. experience. How is it possible? People have this tendency of only wanting things they could understand. Because.. really.. why would you want a thing you don't understand? That's absurd... and confusing. But you see, I like to believe in things. I like to believe that there is good in the bad. That there is happy in the sad. That there's joy in pain. Sunshine in the rain. Yeah, I've watched too much television dramas.. But faith? This is the belief that even in inconsistencies, inevitabilities, and inconspicuousness.. there is hope. And I like to believe that.

NOVEMBER TWENTY FIVE

"You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
I like my choices." (The Fault In Our Stars, 2012)

PILIT.

I wrote something. I wrote something. I wrote somethinggggg, again. Hihi.

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Parang gitarang 'di matono-tono
Parang kilometrong 'di matakbo-takbo
Parang damdaming 'di matuto-tuto
Pinipilit ko...

Parang ugat na 'di maputol-putol
Parang pader na 'di matinag-tinag
Parang tulang 'di matapos-tapos
Pinipilit ko...

Pinipilit kong humabol patungo sa landas mo
Pinipilit kong baguhin ang tibok ng puso mo
Pinipilit ko...

Parang lubid na 'di mapatid-patid
Parang dagat na 'di matawid-tawid
Parang linyang 'di mabatid-batid
Pinipilit ko...

Parang unas na 'di matapos-tapos
Parang ulang walang tigil ang pagbuhos
Parang luhang walang humpay ang agos
Pinipilit kong sumabay sa'yo...

Pinipilit kong humabol patungo sa landas mo
Pinipilit kong baguhin ang tibok ng puso mo
Pinipilit ko...

Ang mga bituin ako'y pinapasuko
Mga baraha ko'y parang tadhanang gumuguho
"Wag nang ipilit ang 'di para sa'yo"
Yan ang sabi.. Pero.. Pinipilit ko...

Parang landas na walang patutunguhan
Parang sanggol na 'di mapatahan
Parang musmos na walang tahanan
Pinipilit kong.. umuwi sa'yo.

Pinipilit kong umayon ang mga tala sa hiling ko,
Ngunit sinisigaw nito na ako'y di para 'sayo.
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(AACPadrelanan , 2012)

SEPTEMBER TWENTY FOUR

Sumama ako sa Career Orientation para sa Marketing ng TUA. Part 'to ng trabaho ko bilang Practicumer sa Guidance Center. Nagsalita ako sa harap ng mga bata tungkol sa mga bagay na natutunan ko sa university at sa mga madadala ko pag-graduate ko. 

Dalawang bagay ang narealize ko..

Una, ang asim ng mga high school students.

Pangalawa, ang bilis ng panahon.. ga-graduate nako sa March O.o

SEPTEMEBER SEVENTEEN

I watched Pepito Manaloto last night. Well, it was nice. I liked the realizations at the end. :)

Pepito wanted people to see a real glimpse of his family. Ayaw niya ng scripted kaya he decided na gawing parang reality-show yung buhay niya at ng pamilya niya. So it kind of became like Keeping Up With the Kardashians, ganun yung naging peg. Cameras all over, monitoring every move. But then, unfortunate circumstances piled up.. and he realized that he could never have a "perfect" family. Because "perfect", just like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. :)  

--

"So ganto ba yung inaasahan mong mangyayari?"
"Hindi nga, eh."
"O so papano, gusto mo pa bang ipalabas 'to?"
"Oo, oo naman."
"Ah talaga? Kasi akala ko gusto mo yung parang perfect ang family mo diba?"
"Eh lahat naman yun ang gusto, eh. Gusto maganda lang yung ipakita. Gusto yung perfect. Eh ako sana ganun din. Gusto ko rin ipakita sa mga tao na perpekto yung pamilya ko. Pero kung napansin niyo, eh, may mga sabit eh.."

Lahat kami nagkakamali, pero lahat marunong magpatawad.
Lahat kami may kanya-kanyang diperensya, pero tanggap naman namin ang isa't-isa.
Lahat sumasablay, pero lahat may natututunan.

.. At kung kaya mong pikitan yung sabit ng iba dahil mahal mo sila, eh.. para sakin yun ang perpekto. :)

SEPTEMBER EIGHT

Just a random thought because I can't sleep. Ugh

Kelan nga ba malalim o mababaw yung pagkakaibigan?


I don't know how to define a shallow friendship because I don't want to judge other relationships. But I think I could tell you a lot about deep friendships.


When I was in Highschool, a friend taught me the "Yes or No" game. We play the game whenever we're confused, or in a dilemma, or if we want to seek advises regarding issues we don't want to disclose. It was fun. But when I was in 3rd year college, I stopped playing the game.

I remember something I said to a friend when she asked me the same "yes or no" question last summer. (I kind of got irritated because we were very close friends and she couldn't even tell me what was really up.) I told her, "Masyado na tayong matagal magkaibigan para sa yes or no na yan. Masyado na tayong matagal magkaibigan para mag-hulaan."

For me, friendships become deep when we stop playing the game. Friendships deepen when we start letting our walls down. Actually, it's when you let other people break your walls. It's when you become vulnerable enough to let others explore you. Ito yung "Okay lang saking malaman mo 'to kasi kahit naman malaman mo, mamahalin mo pa rin ako, tight tayo eh." It's when you become comfortable enough that you stop being vague and start being brave. Naks, anu raw. Friendships deepen when you quit the game and start taking these connections seriously. You see, people should be taken seriously. When you take people seriously, that's when the real fun begins. If that makes sense. :)